As I opened my sleepy eyes to the bright sun shining through my curtains, I realized what the day was, November 23rd, and I was suddenly wide awake. I got out of bed and began scurrying about. I wanted to have enough time in my busy day to make sure every detail was taken care of and ready when he walked through the door.
First, I planned dinner. It had to be perfect. I put the meat out to thaw, he sure does love when I cook Mexican food.
Next, I tidied up the house and washed the dishes. I prefer to start my baking only in a clean kitchen. His favorite, Red Velvet Cake, was underway swirling around in my KitchenAid Mixer, and I was doing great on time.
I then wrapped his present. I never know what to buy for him because he has such expensive taste, but I like the challenge and I always strive to make each gift come from the heart. I listen to see which tv series he currently likes, I notice what new games he wants to play for his gaming unit, I find items related to his hobbies. I look for something that says it is unique and custom made for him. I hoped he would see how much thought actually went into shopping for him.
Dinner is almost ready! I heard the tires screech on the asphalt as I reached to turn off the stove. I quickly checked my face in the photo app on my phone. As I heard his boots climbing up the stairs, I reached to open the door and I yelled, “Happy Anniversary!”
But not today. Today is not my anniversary. Oh sure, it is November 23 once again, but for the first time in 14 years it is just another ordinary day of the year. No, I cannot call it an ordinary day because it is a day scorched like fire has burned it to ashes. Today is not my anniversary, but it is not just another day, either.
When I woke up, the sun was not shining in my eyes. I was not in a hurry to go anywhere or do anything. The divorce has been final on paper for seven months, but it lingers on in my life even now. Issues seem to never end so that we can both move on, live our lives separately as if the past 13 1/2 years did not just happen to each of us, both of us…but there is no “us” so what do I say instead? He and I? No, there is no “and”.
Divorce is hard. It used to be illegal and some days I wish it still were, but then I would be married to someone who wanted a divorce and I would still be miserable as a result. Who is to say what is the best solution? I propose you love each other to the core of your being. Do not just say you love each other, show it. Find out what each person’s love language is and cater to that. Strive to be each other’s best friend and always have each other’s back. Trust is something you should both work to earn and return in kind, but be very careful about breaking trust, it is not easily repaired. Talk to each other more than you talk to people outside your marriage. If you find it uncomfortable to talk to each other, that might be the biggest sign it is time to start a conversation with each other. Affection is a wonderful thing so show it, give it and receive it openly, willingly and often. If you pray, pray for each other. Never give up on each other. You are now “as one”, unified, not just two people, but also one unit. So live as if you cannot be, will not be, refused to be: separated.
What makes me an expert? I am an no expert on marriage, but I am an expert on what does not work, so I am sharing with you what I have learned from my failures. I am sure you could add many more to the list to cater to your individual relationships.
May God Bless you on your Special Day, your Extraordinary Day, your Wedding Anniversary.
Little Tidbits of My Life!